Take a Step Back: A Look at Mental Health and Intelligence

“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.” - Andrew Boyd

We are accustomed to a world where society pushes each individual to be always on the "go". A day passes by in a flash and we awake in the present, which was shortly the "future" only a few seconds, minutes, and hours ago. 

When preoccupied with a task at hand, other priorities and/or concerns become shelved into a bookcase of "I'll come back to you later". Sometimes we forget the importance of giving time for ourselves to truly digest life and its experiences. Sure, there's Facebook updates, Instagram, Twitter, and camera shoots to document those highlights. 

But, what happened to those meaningful person-to-person conversations? 

The value of human relationships has become devalued in a society where media is upheld as the epitome of social relationships. This false image and superstition becomes subtly ingrained into people's minds that it is not often addressed. 

This past year, I've come to cherish those well-needed "me" times---a time for self-reflection, detachment, and self-awareness. This all goes back to the importance of maintaining a positive mental health. 

Education is deemed as the rock of wisdom. What type of "education" though? Academic intelligence is a great requisite for certain employment requirements. However, as human beings, what has become of other degrees and divisions of intelligence? Emotional, mental, psychological, social, and spiritual intelligence? Of what has become of these?

Throughout youth and up to college and post graduate years, we are still growing. We are still maturing. We are still seeking to improve. Perfection is attained through imperfection. Perfection in the sense that we are ultimately giving life our A+ game. Perfection in the sense that a person's true value is not measured by one's resume, diploma, cultural merit, or name tag. Perfection in the sense that a person is measured by their moral values, willpower, kindness, and forgiveness. 

Of what has become of these important human traits?

Every day, I face people who place material things over what is truly important: human relationships. The value of people is great. A simple piece of paper can not attest to the true merit and value of each person. If this were realized and reflected more often, I bet many people would be living a different kind of life. 

Change is difficult to attain because people are not comfortable with growing out of their bubble. Sure, people will fall away and not understand what you are pressing forward for...but, then, what does that show about them?

There are a pile of friends. There's your friends. And, then, there's your good friends. During the most difficult pits and bumps in life, that is when your true friends shine and shimmer. Good, healthy relationships and friendships are vital to maintaining mental health and attaining a more refined, well-rounded intelligence. 

Next time, when lunch time has hit or you're about to doze off into that tv show marathon, take a step back and give yourself some space and a time for reflection. Meditate. Talk it out. Think it out. Connect. 

Once you improve certain areas of your own dynamics, then the rest of the way becomes a tad bit easier,especially with the right people at your back. 

Happy holidays, everyone! Thanks for reading. :)

2013 Reflections and Shout Outs

Whewww, this year is rolling by fast! Less than 10 days until Christmas. This is crayyy.

Today's the first day at my new internship at The Alliance for Multicultural Community Services here in Houston, Texas. I'm excited. There's Texas alum so that's a plus! ;)

Anyhow, before that journey begins in a few hours, I want to give a shoutout to everyone who's been a pal! There's sooo many of you guys but I'm making sure to include the people who count!

In random order, here it goes:

-Camille - I always admired your honesty and sincere desire to help out others. You never failed to help someone and encourage a person to do his/her best. I enjoyed getting hot cocoa with you in our intern days in the early morning. Miss you!

-Vidya - You are amazinggggg! I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you...graduating from UT in less than four years and getting into medical school?! You are a star! Thanks for always listening to me rant over frustrations with ACTIVE Life and post-grad life. Let's karaoke together when I'm in Austin sometime! :)

-Mandy - My juicing buddy! :D Thanks for all the times you let me crash at your place, all the times you listened to me practice for presentations for my research class, and for all times you tolerated my silliness. Let's get Chicken n' Waffles when I'm back in town, yes?? :)

-Carolyn - Miss Carolyn...we've been friends for how long?? I remember you when you were a freshman and how we hilariously tried to practice for IM softball during my sophomore year. You are my kbbq buddy and nutrition buddy! And to bump into you into A/P AND Microbio at HCC...oh the good times! ;)

-Marie - You always remained positive. I admire that in people. Your cooking is amazingggg! :) I miss you a lot! Please visit Texas when you can! I know you'll be an amazing SLT one day!

-Aurora - You are hilarious. You never fail to cheer me up when I'm down. You help me change my perspective through the rough times. You're a good listener and honest. I appreciate that. :)

-Ryan - My FSA kuya!!! "Forget Tony!!!" LOL. I'm grateful that the officers 'randomly' paired us together as kuya/ading for the first year I joined FSA. I look forward to the many years to come. I appreciate your support in my endeavors and I knowww that you'll be an awesome, badass teacher in FortBend ISD! :)

-Lauren - You are an inspiration. Your boundless care for your friends and patience is admirable. I appreciate all the times that you came out to do uke covers with me even when I was struggling in post-graduate life. I never told anyone I was struggling but you noticed and cheered me up. Thank you. I know you'll be an amazing pharmacist! :)

-Nida - THIS girllllll. You are hilarious. I'm grateful that I have a friend like you. You watched me struggle in post-graduate life but were still supportive of my endeavors and patient with me. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. I know you'll be a great RN! :)

-Aileen - You rock! There's not enough room on this blog entry to tell you how much you've been a pal to me! You are very mature for your age and not many people, even at UT, are like that. You made the difficult decision to go the pre-med route or pursue your true dreams in urban planning. Never give up, Aileen! Let's reunite over Pluckers and have an epic straw battle! (You in, Arturo? ;D Lol)

-Mini honorary mention: Arturo: In the matter of less than 12 hours, I found you as a pal! You showed me how caring you are about others (i.e. Aileen~), your willingness to invest in other people's lives, your vulnerability in asking for advice, your willingness to learn and grow, and opening yourself up to a stranger like me. You make the best Mexican hot coca in Austin! ;D

-2nd mini honorary mention: Abraham - My CeeLo buddy!! I know it's been a while and I jumped back into your view unexpectedly! I appreciate your willingness to help out a friend of mine despite the many years it's been since we've chatted. You and Cheri are amazing and I think it's cool how you like CeeLo. Some people don't understand CeeLo and his cat, but you are one of the people who do. Thanks for helping out Arturo! I know that you two will be badass engineers in our world! Rock on!

-Lan - I haven't bought an infrared space heater yet...xD You inspire me to go beyond my limits! Your advice is always solid. I hope my constant tagging hasn't irritated you or Jenny! I just think you're a cool guy for giving me sincere advice on post-grad outlooks and perspectives, which I appreciate it. I couldn't have asked for a better pal, even though I only met you once last year. Immediately, I knew you were a light in our world!

-Lilian - My Hunger Games/Twilight parody MV buddy! You never fail to cheer me up and tweek my perspective when it comes to preparing for graduate school. Your encouragement is a strength and makes me look forward to doing more school! Even though I only met you for a matter of less than 3 days...you are amazing. :)

-Ace - My ole Calculus tutor!!! You always cheered me up during our sessions and turned out to be an awesome buddy! Your silliness is balanced out by a large degree of maturity as you continue to get through post-graduate life. And graduating from UT in less than four years...impressive! You're a year younger than me, but your maturity is beyond your age. Keep being awesome, future business/teacher dudeeeee!

-Justin - My art buddy!! Thanks for listening to my rants over past guys and helping me realize who really deserves me! You're quite funny and I know that you'll be an instrument in the RN world...represent!! ;D

-Eleanor - Omg, where do I begin?? We've been friends since Kindergarten...our lives always seem to cross paths. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. My filipina, eczema, music, anime ,etc buddy! You're the best!!! :D

-Nam - I've known you for almost half my life! Thanks for always being willing to give me anime cds/dvds. Thanks for giving me your honest advice about guys and life even though it was hard to take. Keep on rocking and get that college degree!! I know you can do it!! :P

-Takeo - Future Professor Rivera! Where can I begin? To even know you and have you as a brother-in-law...you are one of my Tiger Moms!! You humble and chastise me b/c it's for the better good. I always appreciate your advice. I'm sorry I can't make it out to your Goliath showing next year...I wish I could see it. Thank you for always being honest. Thank you for helping me through Asian American studies classes and teaching me about the model minority, racism, and ethnic studies. Through a difficult period of my life when I transferred from BYU to UT...you and ate helped me heal and discover my true potential and identity. Thank you.

-Rachell - Ate!! Mahal. You watched me grow throughout high school and college. You watched me grow from a bratty, selfish teenager into a more defined, dignified, but still silly young woman. Thanks for always listening to me rant over roommates and life in general despite your busy schedule. I know you'll be a great Nurse Practitioner. Just take it one day at a time, ok!

-Diana - My second Tiger Mom! You are a light in my world. You always give me your honest advice and put me back in line because you know it's for my own good. You still are my sister despite the many miles that tear us apart. I'm sorry for being a brat when I was young during your Kempner high school days. I'm sorry I couldn't see you grow into the amazing woman you became once you walked out of those epic halls of Stanford University. Through you, I've met inspiring people, such as Takeo, Lilian, Lan, Theresa, and many more. I'm not perfect but somehow you help me become a better person. Because of you, I want to be an A+ caliber person. I think I'm a little more closer to accomplishing that goal.

Two-Way Streets: Disparities in Interpersonal Communication

Communication between two or more people has expanded dramatically. Back in the days, hand-written letters were a regular means of transmitting information between others. It was the norm to wait a week at least for a letter to arrive in the mailbox or P.O. Box.

Nowadays, instant messaging, Skype, FaceTime, texting, emailing, and snapchats have become the means for conversation to flow. People expect to receive a reply within a matter of minutes or at least 24 hours after an initial message. If the receiver fails to reply within a certain time frame, the other party can easily misinterpret this as a sign of ignorance or passive aggressiveness. Of course this is not representative of all parties, but the percent is noticeable.

People have become too comfortable with communication via social networking and non-verbal means of communication. Rather than the old fashioned method of dialing a number or meeting in-person, texting and/or online chatting is the norm. Sole reliance of virtual communication is problematic.

Verbal communication is important and healthy to mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. Closed-off verbal communication can silence a person's ability to express his/herself. Lack of proper verbal communication is problematic and acts as a catalyst for severe social impairment.

Now, think about how this translates to friendships and relationships.

The content of a conversation is another important factor in developing strong and clear communication. If a concern and/or idea is expressed incorrectly, it will face misinterpretation. Non-verbal communication, such as texting or chatting, is a weak means of conveying a person's honest feelings. Words are visible but the emotion that sprouts may go in any direction.

Nonverbal communication places an invisible barrier between two or more people. If it is not utilized properly, it may severely damage interpersonal ties.

Verbal communication needs to occur more often. In-person meetings are more meaningful and heartfelt than sending a text. Attending someone's graduation ceremony is more meaningful than writing on his/her Facebook wall "Congrats!". Calling to say happy birthday is more meaningful than texting those same words.

Although technology and virtual means of communication have advanced the speed of information transmission, it has also put a heavier weight on the sensitive interpersonal ties between two or more people. Verbal communication is vital to any relationship. Lastly, friendships and relationships are two-way streets. Both parties need to put an equal amount of effort to maintain healthy ties. When a one-way street becomes a two-way street, cruising down the road becomes more bearable and makes the view ahead just right.

Detachment and Renovation

I recently started reading novels again this year. Once my college career began, my attention was focused on textbooks, research papers, lecture notes, google docs on docs, and recorded lectures. I forgot my love for reading.

I came upon an article written by my friend in college who now resides in the LA area. (Although I miss her a lot, distance does not matter.) She wrote how you should invest yourself in creating something, taking classes that have true value, and reading more books! She inserted one quote that has stuck with me. It went like this:

"A man who reads lives a thousand lives. A man who does not read only lives one life."

It continues to influence my life every day.

The first book I read this year was "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. The novel is about how Albom's former college professor Morrie turns out to be a treasured friend and mentor as he counsels Albom on what is truly important in life. The following is what was emphasized:

-Love yourself
-Love others
-Invest yourself in creating something with meaning and purpose
-Have good values
-Forgive others
-And, lastly, to learn how to detach yourself from an emotion/memory/feeling after you feel its full dynamic

Detachment.

As human beings, it is our natural character to have the need to feel belonged, appreciated, and cared about. It is impossible to live by oneself without the comfort of a helping hand or kind word/smile.

Detachment. It is feared because if a person chooses to go through the process, he/she fears that only misery/loneliness will accompany it.

However, from personal experience, detachment is important to adapt as a trait because only then will you be able to arise from "failure".

As an addendum, I would like to share a quote that Conan O'Brien used in his remarks to the graduates of the Dartmouth Class of 2011:

"It is our failure to become our perceived ideal, that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It is not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention."

Acoustic Covers: Kailangang Kita - Sponge Cola (Acoustic)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edZPivy2Hpo

Enjoy! :)

The Address Book: Footprints of Friendships

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

Every day, we are awoken from a forgetful or memorable dream, rising from our wearied state to prepare ourselves for the day which destiny presents itself to us. Our daily routines play on autopilot sometimes as we prepare to face the day ahead of us. Sometimes, there's those typical days that seem to play on repeat for weeks on end. At other times, mother nature and the will of the universe adjusts the power of its winds and fights to stir us in a direction which we least expect. 

At the end of the day, we regather our thoughts, reminiscing the day's affairs and rewinding the frame shots of the past's bright and dark moments. 

Once our thoughts are settled, we realize that what truly matters at the end of the day is that we tried our best to "live life to its fullest." Then, we resume our sleep, drifting off into dreams of mortal combat, bliss, or neutrality. 

////

^With the above in mind, I have come to the re-realization that people can not stand by themselves without the support of others. Each person is developed in a unique fashion that is appropriate in the eyes of that acclaimed creator. One important note: No person is designed to grow without another person. Thus, friendships are an integral and imperative part to a person's unique emotional, mental, social, psychological, and spiritual coming of being.

Friendship is vital to living. Human relationships are vital. Conversations are vital. Feelings are vital. Love is vital.

‎"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird.
And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
- Dr. Suess

A wise woman gave me priceless advice one day during a volunteer event. She told me, "Find those who you are compatible with. Those are the people who matter. The rest you can lay to the side."

People come into your life, stay there for a bit, and then leave. Some people are only meant to be there for a brief moment in your life while other people stay there. 

Friendship is a word that is too often handled with a variably less weight of tangible meaning. "Acquaintance" may irk some people. Nevertheless, a "friend" is a term that deserves more attention than it is barely given to by many people. 

Friendship is a two-way street. If only one person reciprocates, it will fall. People can not stand alone. 

Recipe for friendship? Something to think about. 

Two people who have known each other for a long period of time may not necessarily have as strong and/or are compatible with each other as a two-member team who have bonded only over a matter of less than an hour. 

Some people walk out of your life. And, you know what, it's alright to let them go because they did not make the same effort to keep you in theirs. And, it'll be evident once you look back. It hurts at first, but time heals most things. 

I want to close with one of my favorite quotes, as an addendum:‎

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." - Steve Jobs

May you always continue to love and cherish people who have stayed and/or walked into your life all renewed. And like how life is full of surprises, those new friendships that pop up out of nowhere sometimes develop into long-lasting friendships of love, harmony, forgiveness, kindness, and value. 

Failure as a Stepping Stone to Renovation

My true dream career is to become a Creative Fine Arts/Music Director of a talent agency. If I were given the chance to pursue my passion in the arts/music, I would do it. All my life, people told me to go the standard route and get a job in the healthcare field because it is blooming in the economy. However, deep inside I always felt the gut feeling that I was meant to be more than just a dietitian, a nurse, a pharmacist, a dentist, optometrist, or doctor (all of which I considered seriously and honestly believe to be excellent professions). I’ve waited all my life for someone or something to inspire me to be inspired or be the inspiration. I think someone up above is steering me in a different path than I expected but am not surprised by.

There’s that classic line we’ve all come across at certain (or, in some cases, many) points in our life: “Find out what your passion is and commit to that your whole life!”

I started reading novels again this year. The first one I picked up was “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. You may also be familiar with his work “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” Moving forward, Albom’s old college professor gave him priceless advice. My favorite is this:

“Devout yourself to creating something with purpose and meaning.”

Other advice was to love yourself more and love others more also. The above quote is my favorite. It changed my pessimistic attitude and planted hope in my heart.

This has happened in the course of less than two months. What happened? My journey to self-renovation.

Conan O’ Brien shared a wonderful piece of advice at the graduation ceremony at Dartmouth for the class of 2011. He said the following:

“"It is our failure to become our perceived ideal, that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It is not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, Your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention."

After I graduated from the first chapter of my college career, I thought I was a complete failure. I was not earning a salary of 5-6 digits. Stubborn to not become a nurse or pharmacist, I followed my passions for nutrition, health and wellness because my family has a spotted history of cardiovascular issues and skin conditions. I resisted because a huge part of me knew that I was meant for something greater.

I read stories about many post-graduates and how some of them just do the same old job for the rest of their lives and become unhappy. How huge of a stepping stone was that college degree?  Were the hundreds and hundreds of dollars spent on tuition meant to be invested in a larger dream/purpose? I became more aware of this truth but did not take it fully to heart until I faced failure myself.

I became depressed this year because I was lost. My plans for a career in nutrition was falling and hit a huge pit. I was barely surviving doing non-profit work even though I loved the work. I moved away from Austin and came back to Houston for financial reasons. I was separated from so many loved ones who were a major part of my college life. But, I knew the day would come. I just didn’t expect to feel the severity of it quickly after I moved.

Fast forward to today, I have become inspired to be a better person. I want to become an A+ caliber person. In order to be truly happy, I discovered that I needed to improve some parts of me: Be less irritable, invest time in others more, forgive more, and take care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially).

Although I am essentially the same person, at the same time, I feel changed for the better. My dreams in music and art are sprouting and picking up pace. I’ve learned how to combat stress and the major difficulties in life (such as post-graduate depression). I’ve become stronger.

As an addendum, I want to close with a few words that I came across while jogging on a trail beside the student community/neighborhood of my old college:

“Never give up.”

A Man's Ultimate Regret - Unspoken Feelings

I pause,
Turn slightly,
Hoping to see
Her face smiling
Back across at me.

Little did I expect to see that
She would no longer be by my side.
Many, many miles away does she thrive
In the warm shelter of another loved one
Not knowing how I honestly feel about her.

Is it too late to reach out to her and connect?
Or, is there a chance that I can see and embrace her?
The thought is too difficult to bear because it is a chance
In a million.

I waited too long to tell her how I really feel and she's far
Away now in the arms of another man who can care for her for me.
I did not know that I hurt her that much to the point for her to ignore me.
I thought that I was doing the right thing by giving her space,
And not putting my troubles on her, so that she may focus
On gaining back her Integrity.

I was too late.
All I can do
For now
is Hope.

My Inspiration - Music (Go figure)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-zdczn8lAE

Just one simple click may be the right key to finding your inspiration.

My first exposure to music began when my mother brought home an ole '90s keyboard (not a full key set - like 60 keys). The first songs my sisters and I learned were simple melodies like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and the ones they always include in the beginner's manual for any instrument.

When middle school came, I was given the choice to be part of either the choir, band, or orchestra. I narrowed it to the flute or violin. I chose the later. Ever since then, my musicality was born.

Throughout orchestra, I gained many friendships. Also, like for any new hobby, practice was key to improvement and success! I rented a violin for the first two years of my orchestra journey. In the 8th grade, my mother bought me my first ever violin. Today, I've had it ever since then.

In high school, I took music for granted. Sure, I made it into the Symphony orchestra (there were three levels) at my old high school. However, academics got the greater hold of me as I started to focus on preparing on getting into college.

At the end of my junior year, I faced a dilemma: To stick with orchestra or take another science (i.e. Chemistry II) or math course (i.e. Calculus AP). After consulting with family, they said, "Stay in orchestra. You'll regret it if you don't."

I'm glad I stayed.

Fast forward to college, I pick up the acoustic guitar. I wasn't satisfied with just playing Rock Band or Guitar Hero with a "guitar", although it was tons of fun. I sought out more. Fast forward again to a year ago, I picked up the ukelele.

(I'm sure you're wondering, "dayummm, Alex, did you study in college??" Haha. Yes, I did. ;)  )

Since my first chapter of college has closed, the real life hit me hard. Music became my strength, joy, and happiness.

I'm grateful that someone up above has blessed me with the talent to perform music.

My source of happiness was always beside me. I just haven't embraced it fully because my time was so occupied with academics. Or, maybe that was just an excuse.

I'm gonna keep on hitting hard in life and that means along with my passion for music. Don't stop. Keep practicing. Keep sharing it with others. Because one day, you may help to produce a new star.

Be inspired. Be the inspiration.